Getting past the financial fear of raising a child

“Each child comes with their own blessing”- Sheila Wilson aka Granny

It is imperative to have a community. Your tribe of supporters, respecting people in your life that you trust. They do not have to be rich or anything like that, but they do need to respect you, your child, your life, and love you all. My community has shown up for me at every step! They are the reason I can be so open, honest, and bold in my moves. It all started with what my grandmother used to say when people would come to her about their children, “Every child comes with their own blessing”. So when I learned of my pregnancy as a single woman in a foreign place 2,000+ miles away from family and life long friends, I realized it was my time to internalize and live out these words. I began with all the steps I shared in previous posts, and was open to receiving help from my new community built of genuine, loving people who wanted to be there for me especially in this new budding chapter of my life.

• When I went for a new job that required more travel, they were there.

• When I was pregnant, one bestie said up front that she will buy my child’s shoes until she can’t anymore. And let me tell, she has NOT missed an occasion/time/year! Especially back to school season and her birthday, we can count on new shoes. Shout out to bestie, Alice.

• When we travelled for family gatherings, we would align schedules with my besties who travelled often to have the kids play together and allow us time to fellowship. Even my besties who do not have children, or whose children are grown, will choose times to give me a break or plan a kid friendly outing for us to dress up and catch up. THESE ARE ESSENTIAL!

These moments sound fun and casual, but when you look at it as a way of life - you begin to see the opportunities to breathe literally and financially. Alice buying my daughter shoes every year frees up some funds for me to save or even take her to a small outing like the museum. That $30+ dollars goes a long way (more food for a growing child). The dinners, lunches, (which I budget because we calendar things a month ahead of time) and play dates alleviate my time and mental capacity. We also do free things where the kids play together, and we bring snacks from home. It is a true blessing!

My overall advice here is to make it a way of life. Lean on your tribe and community of loved ones to truly be in the fabric of your life with child(ren), and you will see past just the mounting financial responsibility of having a child. Integrate it into your lifestyle and you will begin to see and reap the benefits of being in community in a way that works for you and your new lifestyle. After 4 years of doing this without research, I was discussing my 'parental world view' with a colleague and friend, and she recommended a book called How We Show Up by Mia Birdsong. This book was such a confirmational and uplifting addition that lays out the framework through real life stories and examples of how we can choose to do community and life, and in an intentional and honest way. I highly recommend adding this book to your reading list. (PS: It is not just for parents. :-) It is for anyone who wants to take more pride in and be intentional about how they show up in their and their loved ones lives.)

Now, if you are going to be one of those people who will refuse to trust people, or maybe you do not have a great level of discernment - then you have some personal work to do. If the child is already here, it is still not too late! Be genuine in your relationships, and honest with yourself and friends. You might need a counselor. Heck, you might need new friends! If you are a person of faith, you might want to start with your church groups or talk to your Pastor/Rabbi/Priest/etc. And of course, I am always here as a sound board and resource to help find resources WITH you. You got this! At least you have me in your corner, rooting for you. 🙏🏾🧡